Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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