Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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