I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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