I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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