If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize