How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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