he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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