Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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