New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize