I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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