I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize