do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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