my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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