I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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