U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize