just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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