just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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