I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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