I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize