im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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