I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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