Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
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I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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