Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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