nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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