I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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