He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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