My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize