Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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