Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize