Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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