My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize