True but thats because hes a fetus.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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