Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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