if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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