just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i will never coherently bang her
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize