i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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