....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize