Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize