We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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