So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize