Best friends brother. Beat that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The power of my boobs compel you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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