I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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