I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
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Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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