Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
try to milk me bitch
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