I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize