It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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