I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
