My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize