I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
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i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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