So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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