Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize